New Classics so abysmal, so abhorrently distasteful I am about to be forced to paraphrase myself, to reuse a line I first used to describe the crime against nature that was Tater-Tot Nachos served in the wilds of the midwest. Are you ready for this?
It was so awful, I want to make it again just to take a picture of myself throwing it away.
It started out almost as innocently as a meal can start: we wanted macaroni and cheese for dinner. Here's a useful rule of thumb: when the majority of the ingredients are included in the dish's name, the difficulty of execution is somewhere between poking yourself in the face and sitting in a folding chair. Seriously, it's like cooking at a first grade level. You put pasta in water, you add cheese. Done. Next. Meal. In this way, we were bolstered.
The cookbook set us up well, too: to add some protein to your cheesy pasta, simply blend some tofu into this dish's cheese sauce, your kids will never suspect the extra nutrition! And you know what, they probably wouldn't, either, because there is no way they're getting far enough into this dish to detect the subtle flavor of tofu. Instead, the first and most egregious misstep was one rather obviously incongruous ingredient the addition of which they fail to even mention in the text: along with the cheese and tofu going into the sauce, you add raw diced onions and prepared mustard. 2 huge Tablespoons of prepared mustard. In our defense, we questioned it when we were putting everything together, but ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we'd never been steered wrong by these books. Where others have failed so spectacularly, Moosewood has held strong, had won the sort of trust necessary to even make us add an ingredient we knew we shouldn't.
I have to confess that I still find myself a little mystified by the level of fail here. I'm still not clear on how a simple dish went so hellishly wrong. I mean, even Trader Joe's makes their microwaveable macaroni and cheese a winner, how could something so much more work intensive be so far off the mark? While we didn't get a picture of me throwing the remains of this ill fated adventure away, we got this: